“Once you have learned to love, you will have learned to live.” ~Unknown
We are powerful, vivacious, brilliant creatures. Our thoughts and ideas create the very world around us. We constantly, and often unconsciously, exude and radiate palpable energy that permeates through every crack and crevasse of our lives.
Our words hold especially powerful energy and the ability to uplift and inspire others and ourselves, or send us spiraling down the ladder to Bummersville. Learning to recognize our inner Negative Nancy allows us to pump up the volume on our love lingo to bring us back to a place of clarity, peace, and happiness.
As a young woman in my early twenties, I am no stranger to the pitfalls of self-criticism. As a child of divorced parents, I grew up with the belief that I was somehow imperfect. Inadequate. Just shy of being good enough.
My teenage years proved to be of little consolation, as I was suddenly introduced to the world of comparisons. The desire to be as thin as, rich as, and cool aswhoever was entirely consuming. I validated this belief of not being good enough with constant self-judgment.
I clouded every move I made with the veil of criticism. No goal or achievement was ever really celebrated, just held up in comparison to someone else’s triumphs.
Finally, after being introduced to the idea of self-love, I did an experiment in which I tried to mentally note each time I said something negative about myself in one day. Holy eye-opener. Before I even finished breakfast I had already torn myself apart with self-criticism and harsh judgment.
I would never think to speak to someone I dislike in the way that I was thought-bashing myself.
It’s no wonder I didn’t feel enthusiastic or passionate about anything. All of that garbage mind chatter was blocking my ability to see the reality: I am outrageously perfect. I have purpose. My life has meaning. I am an integral part of the whole.
I still struggle from time to time to tune out my inner critic and embrace my inner cheerleader; beliefs that we hold onto for a long time as truths are never easy to let go of. But I have found that there is a distinct correlation with the words I use as a part of my regular vocabulary and the way that I feel.
Adopting a language of love is essential in keeping me aligned with my highest self.
Here are my no-no’s and big YES!’s when it comes to speaking the language de amor:
Stop saying, “I can’t.” You can; you just haven’t done it yet or you haven’t tried.
Stop saying, “Always.” Actually, just stop generalizing. Nothing is black and white.
Stop saying, “They did, he did, she did…” It’s a subtle (or sometimes not-so-subtle) form of blame. Observe your current situation and ask, “What can I do now? How can I make this better?”
Stop saying, “I wish this or that.” Instead say, “I want this and these are the steps I am going to take to get me there.”
Really stop saying “I am not good enough. I am fat. I am ugly. I’ve made too many poor choices. I’ve tried before and it didn’t work out.”
I like to imagine that I am made up of a team. I’ve got inspiration, truth, gratitude, enthusiasm, ambition, worry, deprecation, blame, and sadness. The game’s all tied up, this is the crucial moment that decides whether my team moves forward or is left behind.
Who am I gonna put in the game? Who’s gonna be on the bench? This isn’t practice…this is life!Keep worry, deprecation, blame, and sadness off the court. They’re gonna lose the game.
Adopting a language of love is not about positive affirmations. It’s not about trying to convince yourself that you feel something else other than what you feel. Or that a situation is something other than what it is.
It’s about consciously choosing thoughts and words with uplifting energy. It’s about embracing what is intrinsically true and inherent: You got this.
Whatever your situation, whatever your roadblock or mental block or financial block, you’ll figure it out. How do I know? Because we all contain inside of us the capacity to manifest our deepest desires and stay the course all the way to the end.
Let’s adjust our thinking and speaking to reflect that, shall we?