The gift of Anxiety: 7 Ways to get the Message and find Peace

Love the quote. Original article here

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Ariella Baston

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

If there’s one thing that has led me the greatest amount of re-invention, it’s anxiety. By anxiety I don’t mean worry or concern. Anxiety is a different animal that grabs a hold of you and halts you in your tracks.

We tend to reject its milder forms and are really terrified by its intense moments, like with panic attacks. It’s difficult to see when we’re fighting with anxiety that it can have any benefit, but it does.

Anxiety comes with some great treasures hidden inside, and they can be yours if you know how to get to them. First, you have to stop fighting and listen to the anxiety for clues.

GETTING THE MESSAGE

The greatest truth about anxiety is that it is a message. Anxiety is not the real issue. It’s the voice of something else lying beneath that’s calling out to you.

Most people who experience anxiety try to go after the symptoms more than its cause and try to fight it off as if it were the only thing to deal with.

That’s not how to go about it if you ever want to know how it happened, why it’s there, and how you can gain long-term freedom from it.

STOP! YOU’RE HURTING!

The anxiety message is simple; it’s just three words: STOP! YOU’RE HURTING!

When an experience like anxiety is pleading for you to stop and notice that you’re hurting, and you know this, your next step is to find that hurt. Its severity is proportionate to the scope of what you have to address—so if you feel like you’re going to die, look for something big!

Its methods of stopping you are varied and some of the common ones are: spinning thoughts, feeling disassociated, heavy breathing, and a racing heart. Whatever works so that you’ll finally pay attention, it will customize for you.

The loudest stop message can appear as a panic attack and causes a sensation that you feel like you’re going to die. Dying is the ultimate definition of stopping within our physical experience, and that’s why we can feel that way.

The good news is that it’s an illusion. Anxiety will not hurt you in that way; but until you catch on, start listening, and heal the source of the messages, it will keep trying to spin you around so that you’re facing it long enough to hear what it’s trying to say.

“Hey! I’m talking to you! Is she still ignoring me? UGH! Ok body, it’s your turn. Make her feel like her heart will explode. HA! You stopped working overtime didn’t you? Gotcha! Now look…we need to talk…What? Now you’re hiding in a movie? Oh no you didn’t! PANIC ATTACK!”

ENERGY CONSERVATION

Anxiety can feel cyclic as it persists, and it’s easy to feel haunted or trapped by it. You’re always in control though. The body, a part of nature, always seeks a point of balance and rest. When anxiety becomes cyclic and seemingly out of your control, it’s still just a part of you.

It’s being maintained by you, for you, until it gets enough of your attention for healing to take place. Whatever you keep doing or ignoring (maybe the things that led to its nascence) will continue to recreate it until you go about things differently.

This is an important realization because it can help you shift from feeling victimized to feeling empowered. It can only continue as long as you delay tending to what’s beneath the message. Anxiety cannot cause you to feel discomfort forever. It will motivate you to heal, and then leave once you do.

WHO/WHAT SENT THE MESSAGE?

Anxiety messages can come from anything negative you’ve chosen to carry forward. It can be a traumatic or painful event left unresolved (usually through having had an attitude of sucking-it-up, being tough, trying to forget etc.).

It can be someone or something you have yet to forgive, or a long running perception of lack that has hindered your growth for too long.

My anxiety disorder came from high insecurity, an excessive need for validation, a frantic quest for completion through relationships, and an inability to acknowledge who I really was.

I ran around trying to please others and attempting to be who they wanted me to be. On the anniversary of a particularly painful break-up, where I convinced myself I had become less than a full person, I had my first panic attack.

It completely bowled me over and continued to do so for 4 years as it tried to get me stop and heal.

It worked. The experience of an anxiety so severe that I couldn’t leave my apartment was completely successful in making me turn my gaze away from the outside world to my inner world, where I seriously needed to focus. I could finally heal and grow.

Who I became next was a happy, empowered, compassionate person who was more focused on matters of the heart and fulfilling myself than approval from others. Anxiety became my greatest life-shifting gift, and I’m forever grateful.

RECEIVING THE MESSAGE

Spending time with anxiety to discover the source of the message and what you have to heal can be achieved in many ways. You have to find what works best for you, but here’s a great series of approaches that seem to help everybody:

1. Welcome it.

Make friends and peace with anxiety immediately. Talk to yourself and the anxiety reassuringly:It’s ok. I’m listening. I want to hear what you have to say. I know you’re just trying to get my attention and that the more directly and peacefully I listen, the sooner you’ll stop repeating yourself.

Fighting with anxiety or resisting it will cause it to persist.

2. Write about it.

I know it’s trite to journal since it’s a suggested solution to most personal troubles, but the slower pace of writing and full engagement of your senses helps you travel down the path of the anxiety message to its source.

We don’t always know where our anxiety is coming from, so we have to take the time to dig and poke. Plus, we’re literal people. Our thoughts are literal. By using a linguistic mechanism the analogy of anxiety message becomes more clear and easier to work with.

3. Laugh.

Bring more laughter in your life. It will help you take life less seriously.

4. Love.

Express love for people, places, and things that you cherish. Be a greater beacon of love.

5. Help others with their anxiety.

The more people you help with anxiety, the greater a vocabulary you’ll develop, and this will help empower your inner dialog for when you’re sitting with anxiety.

6. Meditate.

Anxiety races thoughts and can be very distracting. With a rushing mind, it’s hard to hear the anxiety message and follow it back to its source. Meditation helps tremendously.

If you can learn to notice your thoughts without attaching to them—seeing them as cars passing by as you stand on the edge of a busy highway—you’ll become better at picking out what really matters in this moment.

7. Realize that You Are Enough.

Be accountable, no matter how much “such and such/so and so did” to you. It doesn’t matter. Now is what we have to work with. Tomorrow is what we have to create.

Realize that you are your own solution. You have what you need to look clearly; to hear and to heal. Anxiety is a message born within you, speaking to you through you, and therefore it’s within you to heal.

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What about Love?

Some insight to the profound word used almost everyday =)

Courtesy of Huffingtonpost

What about love?

What is love?

Love is a state of connection and respect. Love has a spectrum -- the more pure one's heart and the more aware one's mind become, the more in love one can be with what resonates with him. Loving is a process and with the right foundation, it can grow into an unlimited potential that flourishes the person and whatever he touches. There are many types of love and there are many levels to it, but at the core of it, it is a state of purity when one can connect with others at the level of their existence without prejudice, irrational judgments, irrational fears, and illogical conditioning. Pure love can be experienced through a heart that is light and free and is not carrying any negativity from early experiences of life. A person with a pure love also has a desire to help in ways he can to make it a better place for everyone who come to his path.

What is not love?

Love is not being weak. It is not a series of pretentious behaviors with no harmonious intentions, and it is not coming from a state of pure neediness. Love is not the same thing as an anxious attachment and is not letting others take advantage or harm you. If one truly learns to love, what one attracts will naturally not be harmful, but even if it is, such a person knows how to have healthy boundaries not to be damaged. For us to truly learn to love, we have to learn to love and protect our own heart as well. A damaged heart will sooner or later project its impairment onto the world. A healthy heart that is connected with its pure form of love can project the same into the world.

What is pure love?

Pure love is powerful and truthful. It has integrity, and someone who reaches experiencing this level of love has an act that matches his words and feelings. When you love someone, you don't judge them negatively, but you help them and you do what you can not to harm. Pure love has balance. It is not based on neediness, desperations, taking advantage, or fear. It comes from a place of benefiting the other in ways one can. For example, a good doctor acts in ways that benefits his patients. This doctor not only shows great care but also can become reasonably tough if the patient needs an extra push to get healthy. However, this toughness is not because of some unresolved anger or personality issues but is purely for the benefit of the patient. Another example would be a great parent who knows how to show affection and warmth but at the same time strength and discipline in a balance and healthy way. Such parent does what is best for her kids as she knows that if one is missing, the child growth is not complete.

What is fear?

Fear is the exact opposite of love. While we all have rational fears that help our growth and happiness and protect us, we also have irrational fears that block the same. For example, fear of rejection, fear of being judged negatively, fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness, and those fears that have nothing to do with the situation but are more related to our past relationships or our childhood. Any energy or emotion attached to these fears need to be released or it will manifest and will contaminate any new situation we encounter. If you want your love to manifest, work on any irrational fear you have. When the glass has mud at the bottom, no matter how pure the water looks, it is still muddy. When you put a spoon in the water, you see the mud spiraling. Then it calms down, but the mud is nevertheless there. If you want pure water, get rid of the mud at the bottom. To do that, you need to do some emotional healing.

How to experience pure love?

Meditation, talking with trusted people, writing, praying, connecting with nature, using your senses to enjoy life, having fresh plants and flowers, keeping diary and journals, self-affirmations, healthy eating, healthy life styles, surrounding yourself with positive/aware/kind people, connecting with animals and children are just some of the ways to work on your emotional side.

Your emotional side is the door to your spiritual side. Your spiritual side may not be known to you completely but it is certainly there. Connect with it and see the magic of life.

Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD

www.SelfKnowledgeBase.com

For more by Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD, click here.

For more on emotional wellness, click here.

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Common Stretching Mistakes + Ways To Avoid Making Them

I do make the same mistakes too! That's why sometimes I head to a yoga class for 'refreshment' but this is definitely a good tip for me to teach others too :)

By Ruthie Streiter

As a bodyworker and therapeutic yoga teacher, one of my main goals is to engender a sense of potential in my clients about their bodies and, by extension, their lives. One of my frustrations is the lack of clear, accessible information available to the general public about well-informed, scientific stretching; understanding how to engage in high-quality stretching is currently not the norm.

 

Clients tell me, "Oh, I stretch. I stretch every day, but it doesn't help my pain much."

 

Stretching requires a bit of anatomical sense and wisdom. Without it, what are you actually doing? What are you stretching? How are you stretching? How well are you stretching?

 

Sure enough, once I lead a client through structurally sound stretching, geared to constructively contact and address the most restricted places, unique to the individual, the client says, "Yeah... if THIS is real stretching, then the truth is, I've never stretched before in my life."

Let's look deeper into the nuances that make all the difference; let's unpack the science of stretching.

The Pitfalls of Uninformed Stretching:

 

1. It's possible to stretch the same fascial lines over and over, which means you're not getting to what's really tight and neglected.

 

2. The body often unconsciously and subtly shifts or twists to avoid the stretch. One conscious action of preventing this avoidance-shift, like firming an area towards the midline, rotating a thigh, or reaching through the big toe metatarsal, will completely change the efficacy and reach of the stretch.

 

3. Without some structural and physiological knowledge, we don't know when to activate counter-muscle groups or when to totally release. Either might be appropriate, depending on the circumstances, and the distinct methods offer different results.

 

4. Uninformed stretching often lacks order in the process. Creating organization in the tissue maximizes stretching's potency and benefits. Stretching is joined with toning and correcting the spatial relationship of body parts (alignment!). 

 

5. If we aren't breathing and utilizing awareness, then our stretching is limited in effectiveness and is potentially unsafe. We need to breathe and be conscious, for the oxygenation of our muscles, for shifting and responding in the moment, for integrating the discomfort and backing off or going deeper!

6. We need strategy for informed stretching. We might be choosing to do stretches which seem logical but don't really target our needs or affect our imbalances.

7. Our stretching may be benign or even generally positive, but we might not be getting the most out of our time. There's a good chance that with more skills and information, our stretching can offer a more potent, rich and effect use of our time. 

 

Golden Rules of Scientific Stretching:

 

1. Open the most restricted places to open what's tight and move towards balance.

 

2. Activate and engage muscularly to prevent the body from shifting to avoid the stretch.

 

3. Use appropriate methodology in the moment; activate counter-muscle groups appropriately and engage in a more passive approach when appropriate.

 

4. Create order as much as length and release.

 

5. Use breath and awareness for safety, tissue oxygenation, and the integration of consciousness for maximum benefit.

 

6. Strategize your stretching so you know what needs stretching and why.

 

7. Be effective: work in a way that goes beyond "just ok" and actually offers a potent, significant transformation.

For some guided scientific stretching, check out the Decompression Project Yoga Video Library

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8 Wake-Up Calls You Need to Receive

So I was slapped hard in the face by the government who disprove PEP holders working on Freelance. It was painful and to give a broad idea of what stage I'm going through is like falling down and bruising. It is a bigger bruise this time. I knew I will eventually get up and move again. But right now I'm crying.

So the next day, I stumbled across something so useful and meaningful. Especially part 4 about being patient. I'm going to keep going regardless of the pain, even the government will not take me down!

Thank you so much Marc and Angel!!

For my 17th birthday, many moons ago, my grandfather on my mom’s side gave me four used flannel shirts that he no longer needed.  The shirts were lightly worn and in great shape; my grandfather told me he thought they would look great on me.  Unfortunately, I thought they were odd gifts at the time and I wasn’t thankful.  I looked at him skeptically, gave him a crooked half-smile, and moved on to the other gifts sitting in front of me.  My grandfather died two days later from a sudden heart attack.  The flannel shirts were the last gifts he ever gave me.  I regret the small thing I didn’t say when I had the chance – “Thank you Grandpa.  That’s so thoughtful of you.”

As you can imagine, this was a huge wake-up call for me.

Here are eight wake-up calls for you – a few important lessons worth learning before it’s too late:

1.  You might not have tomorrow to say, “I love you.”

About a decade ago a coworker of mine died in a car accident.  During his funeral several people from the office were in tears, saying kind things like: “I loved him.  We all loved him so much.  He was such a wonderful person.”  I started crying too, and I wondered if these people had told him that they loved him while he was alive, or whether it was only with death that this powerful word, love, had been used without question or hesitation.

I vowed to myself then and there that I would never again hesitate to speak up to the people I love and remind them of how much I appreciate them.  They deserve to know they give meaning to my life.  They deserve to know I think the world of them.

Bottom line:  If you love someone today, tell them.  If you appreciate someone today, tell them.  There might not be a tomorrow.  Today is the day to express your love and admiration.  Read 1,000 Little Things.

2.  Your judgments of others are inaccurate.

You will never know exactly what another person is going through or what theirwhole story is.  When you believe you do, realize that your assumptions about their life are in direct relation to your limited perspective.

Many people you believe to be successful are extremely unhappy.  Many people you think have it easy worked their tail off achieve what they have.  Many people who appear to be wealthy are in debt because of their extravagant tastes for material possessions.  Many people who appear to you to be old and uncool were once every bit as young and hip and inexperienced as you.

3.  Not trying is why most people fail.

It’s not the mistakes and failures you have to worry about, it’s the opportunities you miss when you don’t even try that hurt you the most.  Trying always leads to success regardless of the outcome.  Even mistakes and failures teach you what not to do next time.  Thus, every outcome is a lesson that makes you stronger and wiser.

In the end, there’s only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the failure to try.  The results you achieve are not based on what you plan to do or what you say you’ll do.  Your results come from what you actually TRY and DO.

4.  Patience does not mean waiting and doing nothing.

Patience involves productive activity.  It means doing your very best with the resources available to you, while understanding that the results you seek are worth the required time and effort, and not available elsewhere for any less time and effort.

Patience is the realization that the quality of your life is much more significant than the quantity of things you fill it with.  Patience is your willingness to accept and appreciate what you have right now, while you put forth a steady, focused effort into growing toward your dreams and goals.  Read The Power of Habit.

5.  You don’t need anything more to be happy.

Intuitively, you already know that the best stuff in life isn’t stuff at all, and that relationships, experiences and meaningful work are the staples of a happy, fulfilling life.  Yet you live in a consumer driven society where your mind is incessantly subjected to clever advertising ploys that drive you, against your better judgment, to buy material goods you don’t need or even want.

At a certain point, the needless material objects you buy crowd out the emotional needs advertisers would like you to believe they are meant to support.  So next time you’re getting ready to make an impulsive purchase, ask yourself if this thing is really better than the things you already have.  Or have you been momentarily tricked into believing that you’re dissatisfied with what you already have?

6.  You aren’t perfect, and neither is anyone else.

All humans are imperfect.  At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace their patience, the generous act selfish, and the knowledgeable second guess what they know.

And guess what?  You’re human and so am I – we all are.  We make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard.  We stumble, we slip, and we spin out of control sometimes.

But that’s the worst of it; we all have our moments.  Most of the time we’re remarkable.  So stand beside the people you love through their trying times of imperfection, and offer yourself the same courtesy; if you aren’t willing to, you don’t deserve to be around for the perfect moments either.

7.  All the small things make a big difference.

Life isn’t about a single moment of great triumph and attainment.  It’s about the trials and errors that get you there – the blood, sweat, and tears – the small, inconsequential things you do every day.  It all matters in the end – every step, every regret, every decision, and every affliction.

The seemingly useless happenings add up to something.  The minimum wage job you had in high school.  The evenings you spent socializing with coworkers you never see anymore.  The hours you spent writing thoughts on a personal blog that no one reads.  Contemplations about elaborate future plans that never came to be.  All those lonely nights spent reading novels and news columns and comics strips and fashion magazines and questioning your own principles on life and sex and religion and whether or not you’re good enough just the way you are.

All of this has strengthened you.  All of this has led you to every success you’ve ever had.   All of this has made you who you are today.  Read The Last Lecture.

8.  Excuses are lies.

Make no mistake, there is always a lie lingering in between a dream and too many excuses.  And the lie is you lying to yourself.

The excuses and explanations won’t do you any good.  They won’t add any value to your life or improve the quality of it by even the slightest margin.  To fulfill your calling and get where you wish to go in life requires more than just thinking and talking.  These feats require focused and sustained action.  And the good news is, you’re perfectly capable of taking whatever actions are necessary.  You just have to choose to actually do it.

No one else can succeed for you on your behalf.  The life you live is the life you build for yourself.  There are so many possibilities to choose from, and so many opportunities for you to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.  Now is the moment to actually step forward

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The Choice is Yours

Really it is :)

 

 

 

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LAO

HAHA

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Fake it Till You Make it: 10 Ways to Feel Confident (Even When You Aren’t)

Well, it's not necessary faking till you're making it but the tips are really helpful to be yourself and to change one's perspective on things just so that one doesn't feel bombarded with others' qualms...

Enjoy :P

Courtesy of Pick the Brain

“Original Fake” Photo Credit: courtesy of MashKulture

Is your self-confidence natural, or a daily struggle?

Many people’s confidence naturally wavers from day to day, leaving them too timid or confused at just the wrong time. Whether you are naturally confident or could use some better eye contact with your life, setting in place a few simple strategies goes a long way to stoke your inner confidence.

If you think you’re not especially smart or capable, or that failure is a given no matter how hard you try, you’re right.

And if you believe you’re brilliant and can accomplish anything you set your mind to, you’re right.

Amplifying your inner confidence is like any other skill you develop; you can do it in a blink. Day by day, step by step, you will get closer to your goals. No one runs a marathon fueled by decision alone. It takes days, weeks, and months of consistent exercise before your muscles, lungs and stamina will harmonize enough to give you winning results.

Same with confidence. Use these 10 tips to start appearing as confident on the outside as you will soon feel on the inside.

1.  It’s not about you. Understand people’s actions, even when hurtful, rarely have anything to do with you. It’s easy to read into the negativity of others and see it as a slight to our personality or challenge to our ego. Yet this type of reaction can trigger unnecessary stress and prevent you from focusing on the positive things in your life. People are people; there’s never a need to link their behavior and your happiness. Knowing this gives you freedom to feel the confidence you deserve.

2.  Buy clothes that fit. Wearing clothes that fit well and flatter, no matter the shape of your body, provides an enormous boost to your self esteem. Don’t wait until you’ve arrived at a magical ideal to start dressing your best. Clothes never make the person, but it’s hard to feel confident inside when your outside sends signals of uncertainty. Love what you’re wearing and the world is likely to love it too.

3.  Keep laughing. Let your brain give vent to the endorphins that will fill you with authentic happiness and internal confidence. Laughter releases some of the tension that invariably builds in your body each day. Pepper your routine with the people or media that make you most happy. You don’t have to overdo it, but a bit of levity goes a long way toward elevating your level of confidence.

4.  Embrace the quiet. Many people are eager to populate every waking second with activity. With a world moving at the speed of broadband, the problem blooms more with every passing day. Realize you can be comfortable alone with your thoughts and you will provide your internal processes the space needed to develop. This will make you more comfortable with yourself, helping you appear more confident to others.

5.  Make a budget. If this isn’t natural for you, take the time to do it anyway. Claiming control of your finances is an early step to a healthy attitude about money. Though many people believe confidence comes with having lots of cash, confidence accompanies a clear picture of what you have and what you need.

6.  Don’t gossip. Exit conversations that swim in hearsay. Indulging in idle chatter might make you feel in the loop, but the feeling is fleeting and will leave you wondering what others are saying about you when you’re not around. Take the high road – you’ll feel better inside and appear far more confident to others around you.

7.  Do as you say and say as you do. This doesn’t mean you have to draw neat lines through all of life’s to-do’s, but if you articulate your goals, and start to accomplish them, easy ones first, you will develop a mindset of success. This, in turn, makes it easier to feel confident. Your goals could be anything from running your first 5K to finally cleaning out the garage; learning how to strum a guitar or play the piano. Whatever your goals, find something you truly desire, make a promise to see it through to the end, then feel the confidence of success.

8.  Make peace with your body. You will always want to stay active and improve your health, but your confidence comes with the understanding that no matter your size, shape, number of wrinkles or height, you are a person who deserves love and dignity from yourself and those around you. Truly know this, and confidence will bleed through your skin.

9.  Realize you know more than you think you do. All those things you think everyone else just knows? Well, they don’t. If you don’t know something, there’s no shame in asking for the answer. Admitting you don’t have the answer is the first step toward finding it, and the right answers pave the road to confidence.

10. Be enthusiastic. Playing it cool is a great way to ignore your honest emotions and bury the authentic you. Be happy and excited, and allow the world to see it. Your joy will be infectious, your confidence contagious.

You don’t have to follow all 10 of these tips, but they are starters that will help you find your internal confidence and boost your sense of self belonging. No one feels confident 100% of the time, but there are steps you can take to make yourself feel far more confident than you probably do now.

Start with any of the 10 items on this list, and start feeling better inside out today!

Confidence is the key to EVERYTHING.

Ever wondered exactly how self confident you actually are?

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Fitness Funny

HAHAHA!!

From the Oatmeal

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10 Little Habits that Steal Your Happiness

They may be tiny, but they will slowly eat you away...

You ultimately become what you repeatedly do.  If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you.  Here are a few examples of the latter that will steal your happiness if you let them:

1.  Focusing on everyone’s story except your own.

Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them that you forget to write your own.  Unfold your own tale and bring it to life.  You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming.  Incredible change happens when you decide to take control.  This means consuming less and creating more.  It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you.  It means learning to respect and use your own ideas and instincts to write your passage.

If you want your life story to soar to new heights, you’ve got to clear a path, reduce the time-sinks and burdens weighing you down, and pick up the things that give you wings.  Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  If you truly care about what you do and you work diligently at it, there’s almost nothing you can’t accomplish.

2.  Waiting for the perfect moment.

Don’t buy into the myth of the perfect moment.  Moments aren’t perfect; they’re what you make them.  So many people wait around for the stars to align to do what they’re here to do.  The perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect state of being, etc.  Wake up!  These states of perfection are myths.  They do not exist.

Your ability to grow to your highest potential is directly related to your willingness to act in the face of imperfection.  You will come to succeed not byfinding a perfect moment, but by learning to see and use life’s imperfections perfectly.  Read The Power of Now.

3.  Working for nothing more than a paycheck.

Work without interest is imprisonment.  Even if you aren’t super-passionate about your work, you’ve got to at least be interested in it.  When you design a lifestyle in which your work is something you suffer through daily strictly to pay your bills, you end up spending your entire life wishing you had someone else’s.

Think about it.  This is your life; your work will fill a large percentage of it.  It’s not all about the money; it’s about you.  Ignore the propaganda, especially from people who say, “Don’t let your work define you.”  Reverse this message and mediate on it:  “I will do work that defines me.”  When the essence of who you are defines at least some slice of the work you do for a living, that work generates fulfillment.

Bottom line:  Interest in your work puts quality in your output and happiness in your mind.  Don’t settle for a paycheck.  Shuffle around until you find work that interests you.

4.  Harboring feelings of hate.

As Martin Luther King Jr. so profoundly said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  Truth be told, when we harbor feelings of hate, it eventually gets the best of us.  It takes control of us.  We forget why we hate, what we hate, and whom we hate – we simply hate for the sake of hating.  And then, naturally, we begin to hate ourselves too.

Everything and everyone you hate rents permanent space in both your head and heart.  So if you want to eliminate something or someone from your mind, don’t hate.  Instead, disconnect yourself, move on, and don’t look back.  Read The Mastery of Love.

5.  Holding tight to worries and fears.

Someday when you look back over your life you’ll realize that nearly all of your worries and anxious fears never came to fruition – they were completely unfounded.  So why not wake up and realize this right now.  When you look back over the last few years, how many opportunities for joy did you destroy with needless worry and negativity?  Although there’s nothing you can do about these lost joys, there’s plenty you can do about the ones that are still to come.

You will find that it’s necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they’re heavy on your heart and soul.  Let go of them.  Don’t clamp shackles to your own ankles.  It’s incredibly easy to enjoy more of your life right now, no matter what the situation.  It’s just a matter of letting go of the layers of nonsense that are weighing you down.

Let go of your worries and fears, of your rage and jealousy, of your need to always be right and control others.  Let go of your pretentiousness and your need to have everything your way.  Underneath all these layers of nonsense there is a happy, productive person.  When you start peeling them off and simply appreciating everything for what it is, life can be wonderfully fulfilling.

6.  Dwelling on difficulties.

A bad day is just a bad day.  Choose not to make it anything more.  Times of adversity will inevitably affect the conditions in which you live and work; yet you don’t have to let it affect who you are and where you’re headed.  Take note of the setbacks and adjust to them, but don’t expand on them by making them a bigger part of your life.

Every day brings new lessons and new possibilities.  There is always a way to take the next step forward on the path you’ve chosen.  Events may be terrible and inescapable at times, but you always have choice – if not when, then how, you may endure and proceed onward.

7.  Constantly seeking fleeting contentment.

There are two variations of contentment in life – fleeting and enduring.  The fleeting type is derived from instants of material comfort, while the enduring type is attained through the gradual growth of your mind.  At a glimpse it might be difficult to decipher one from the other, but as time rolls on it becomes vividly obvious that the latter is far superior.

Enduring contentment sustains itself through life’s ups and downs, because through them your mind remains confident and at peace.  On the other hand, when life’s fleeting changes have the ability to ruffle your mind into a frenzy, even the most elaborate physical comforts won’t make you any happier for very long.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.

8. Trying to make a big difference all at once.

If you want to make a difference in the world, start with the world around you.  Making a big difference all at once is usually impossible, and the process of trying is extremely stressful.  However, instantly making a difference in a few lives is entirely possible and usually fairly easy.  You just have to focus on one person at a time and start with the one closest to you.

Work to make a bunch of small splashes, and let the ripples spread naturally.  If you want to change a person’s mind or mood, sometimes you have to change the minds or moods of the people around them first.  For instance, if you make one person smile, their smile just might make others smile too.  In this subtle way, you can touch the masses with your thoughtfulness without stressing yourself out.

9.  Holding on to someone who hurts you.

Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.  When someone hurts you time and time again, accept the fact that they don’t care about you.  It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary medicine.  Do NOT strive to impress them any further.  Waste not another second of your time trying to prove something to them.  Nothing needs to be proven.  Do not act with any thought of them ever again.  Read 1,000 Little Things.

10.  Over-amplifying the importance of physical attractiveness.

Infatuating yourself with someone simply for what they look like on the outside is like choosing your favorite food based on color instead of taste.  It makes no sense.  It’s innate, invisible, unquantifiable characteristics that create lasting attraction.

Just as some people enjoy the smell of mint, while others prefer the scent of cinnamon, there is an undeniable, magnetic draw that attracts you to the qualities of certain people, places, and things.  Sometimes it’s even the scars your soul shares with them that reels you in and creates the very hinges that hold you together in the long run.

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Fitness Myths BUSTED

Okay Myth 3 applies to ALL WOMEN. I repeat. ALL WOMEN. Seriously, you will NEVER bulk up unless you take additional protein supplement. The reason why you add weight is that you need to eat PROPER food after a workout and at the MODERATE amount.

More muscle = more calories the body will burn at REST mode.

I want to bulk up but I'm so desperately struggling....

And if you have ANY Qualms (i.e. struggles), come talk to me :)

Click here for the full page

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Why It's Good to Cry

Hmm, the scientific side of it is interesting and it does correlate to the emotion. Well done Science ;)

I admit I cry alot more than I wish I don't so yeah, I have had a lot of suppression in the past. These days it's somehow has gradually slow down or stop :). I guess I have found out a way to release the emotions on the spot before it takes a toll on me. Yay!

Anyway, this is something worth noting. Yes, don't be afraid to shed the tears. I do that in public so much so I have gotten to the point to just show it. One cannot stop it so might as well be bold and show it. Little did you know someone will notice and help.

By Stacy Slawitsky

Get Over It. That was the mantra of my household growing up. 

Needless to say, strong expressions of emotion were not encouraged.  

Crying? 

That was for the faint of heart. Years of therapy,meditation and other practices have helped me move beyond stoicism. 

I now have no problems crying. In fact, crying helps me solve problems. I enjoy a good cry every now and again.  

My spiritual mentors tell me it’s cleansing and healing and it definitely feels like that. But the CPA/left brain part of me can’t help but wonder: What really goes on in the body when we sob the I-just-broke-up-with-my-boyfriend tears?

Cry and wash the stress right out of your body (literally)

A study by Dr William H. Frey II, a biochemist at the St Paul-Ramsey Medical Centre in Minnesota, has shown that emotional tears contain adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), which increases in cortisol, that infamous stress hormone linked to greater levels of abdominal or visceral fat. 

This lovely layer of fat is not only unattractive, but also plays a major role in a host of health problems. Such fat has been shown to increase risk for cardiovascular disease and Type 2 diabetes. In women, it is also associated with breast cancer and the need for gallbladder surgery.

Clears the body, clears the mind

Sigmund Freud stated that blocked-up emotions can physically and psychologically hinder us. I believe (and the science backs the belief up) that we store emotions in the body. When you let your emotional gunk fester internally, it can result in aches and pains and other discomfort.  

That’s when a good cry can help. Did you ever become emotional in a yoga pose? That’s the result of yoga loosening up the emotional garbage you are storing–garbage that is ready to be released!

Start crying and say goodbye to destructive coping mechanisms

Not being a big fan of being emotionally expressive led me to resort to alcohol and occasional food fests when I wasn’t facing my emotions head on. 

If you're able to sit with your emotions in a calm and grounded place, and let the tears out, you'll not only feel better, but also will be less likely to escape via “coping” mechanisms that are not so great for you.

In summary: cry until the cows come home. You'll feel better emotionally and you will literally be cleansing your body of internal stress. What could be better than that?

I hope this helped you! Please let me know how crying has worked for you: Are there specific times when a cry helped you move forward in your life? Are there specific emotions that crying is good at dissolving?

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