When your temper scares you – some suggestions for defusing

A reminder for me, and hope it helps to some of you too...

Thanks Lisa-Jo Baker

Sometimes you don’t realize you have a temper till you have kids.

And then one night someone carves a pattern into the leather sofa. Or someone just  dumps a pencil sharpener out all over the floor. After you’ve told them not to touch it.

Or someone else gets out of bed for the ten thousandth time. When you’ve just finally sat down and there’s only an hour left before exhaustion slams into your eyelids.

There’s no rage like the exhausted rage of motherhood.

These aren’t the things they don’t talk about in the parenting books, or play groups, or coffee dates. How you will one day lose your ever-loving mind because two boys sat and watched their sister pour an entire bottle of purple Motrin all over the beige carpet and didn’t think to stop her.

These are the ragged fringes of motherhood that don’t make for pretty pictures.

These are the moments that no one teaches you about in the breast-feeding classes or includes with the instructions for putting the baby to bed on her back or thinks to write on a warning label.

It was late one night when I stood outside my sons’ slammed bedroom door that I remembered the one time someone had cautioned me on temper.

I was a senior in college. And there was a couple in our class who got pregnant and married and brought their bundle of toddling, delicious chub with them all over campus.

We were all sort of awed and infatuated by this threesome.

We’d bump into them in the dining hall, hand over our meal card to contribute lunch, babysit their boy with the forever long, dark lashes in Jenks Library, take him for dimpled walks under those big East coast trees.

I was a South African girl a long way from home. I missed the horizon.

But that baby reminded us all of family and that there was a slice of life far beyond these dorm room walls that we hadn’t tasted yet.

They’d have us over for dinner in their small, beautiful space and it was a welcome warmth away from bunk beds and communal bathrooms. This place they’d carved out that always had room for one more of us to crowd around their table and spill over onto their sofas.

They made it look so easy.

I never offered to help, not really. I babysat around campus because it made me interesting to cute boys and friends who would always stop by to share in the fun of the baby. But I didn’t ask what it was really like – this juggling a family and a full class schedule at the same time. Or how to fit work into the mix.

I was much too interested in the story of me.

But there was one night after we’d come over to meet beautiful baby number two,  the Isaac of the summer after our senior year, that the door swung open on a world I couldn’t begin to imagine.

She was sitting in their small apartment, both boys asleep, telling me the story of temper. It struck me as odd that this is what she would choose to tell me. Not how precious the kids or how priceless the moments, but that,

“Lisa-Jo if you struggle with temper at all you better learn how to control it before you have kids. Because you can’t parent with an out of control temper.”

My head is resting against the bedroom door as I remember her words.

At the time I barely heard her.

A decade later and I am intimately acquainted with the wild temper that runs in these veins, inherited from generations before me and last night’s discovery that the boys had dug holes all over the new lawn.

More than the battle of sleeplessness or figuring out how to make broccoli appealing or mastering potty training for the third time, this full out war against my own angry, shouty spirit will be the biggest victory I am determined to win through motherhood.

Tame it I will.

Because when my son gets out of bed and is too afraid to ask the question burning in his heart because, as he lisps, “I was scared you’d be mad at me, mama,” I know this is a fight worth winning. I know by the awful pit in my stomach. And how hard I hug his long, gangly limbs.

Because there was a moment last week when I held Jackson’s hand as we walked through the grocery store parking lot and I asked him, “Do I lose my temper more or less than I used to?” and he cocked his head to the side, thoughtful behind his glasses and said, “less.”

Dear God, please help it keep being less.

Because I want to be a safe place, a Cape of Good Hope for these kids, no matter how much they may infuriate me at times.

I will not be ruled by my tongue or my temper.

I will not be controlled by my out-of-control reactions.

I will stop, drop, and take a time out. Behind locked bathroom doors or alone in the minivan if necessary.

I will quiet myself amidst the chaos. I will hold onto my run-away-frustration and chew hard on a piece of ice if that’s what it takes to cool down.

I will remember to eat. To treat myself will the same care I’d treat an explosive device and disarm with regular rest, exercise, food and friendship.

I want my kids to have memories crammed full of family as a safe place and not an unpredictable hot spot.

So I learn when it’s OK to say OK to another episode of Barney. This is better than a mother unhinged by her own limitations and the craft that went all wrong

I teach them what it looks like to say sorry; down on my knees and eye to eye, I say it.These words that can stick in the throat but that are like sacred, unexpected treasure when you place them in the tiny hands of your children.

And then I will move on. I won’t carry the baggage of yesterday’s explosion or last week’s near melt down into tomorrow. I will practice grace on purpose. To my tiny people and myself.

I will keep on with the laughter and watermelon seed spitting and ice cream serving and bed time reading and diaper changing and vacation celebrating.

I will live in this one, new, beautiful, white canvas of right now and not be afraid to paint all over it with the wild abandon of today. Grateful always for the gift of tomorrow.

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How to get Calcium from Plants

Interesting!

Ask anyone the question "What is a good source of calcium?" and most likely their response will be "Milk!" Cheese and ice cream are usually next in line.

Calcium Without The Cow

However, other excellent sources of calcium exist and it is entirely possible to meet your calcium requirements with a plant-based, vegan diet. Calcium is an essential mineral required for strong bones and teeth, normal blood clotting, and normal muscle and nerve function.

Though most people in the U.S. claim dairy products as their primary source of calcium, if you've opted out of dairy - whether by choice or by need (i.e. lactose intolerance, dairy allergy, etc.)- the good news is that you can get all the calcium you require from whole plant foods.

Dig Into Your Greens

Dark leafy green vegetables such as broccoli, collards, kale, mustard greens, turnip greens, chinese cabbage, and okra are excellent sources of well-absorbed calcium for vegans. Additional sources are black beans, vegetarian baked beans, blackstrap molasses, calcium-fortified soy milk and juice, calcium-set tofu, soybeans, almonds, and soynuts.

When you discover that there is as much, or more, calcium in 3/4 cup of collard greens or a half cup of firm tofu as there is in one cup of cow’s milk, you can see why populations who do not drink cow’s milk still have strong bones and teeth.

Plant-Based Calcium Perks

Plant sources of calcium have unique benefits over those found in animal products, making them a better source of calcium than dairy products. When it comes to calcium, what matters more than calcium consumption is how much calcium is actually absorbed by your body. This quality of absorption, known as bioavialablity - is accomplished more easily from plant foods than dairy products.

High levels of animal protein increase urinary loss of calcium, and the U.S. recommendations are set up to compensate for this. Interestingly, the evidence shows that the more animal protein a population consumes, the greater their risk of hip fractures.

As a bonus, leafy green vegetables that are good sources of calcium are also rich in vitamin K, a nutrient which works in concert with calcium to support healthy bones. Other nutrients are found in fruits and vegetables that support healthy bones, such potassium and vitamin C. Because of the bone-building benefits they provide, diets high in fruits and vegetables are important for keeping bones healthy. Online resources listing calcium content of plant foods are readily available.

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Essential Kit for First-Time Runners

What's most important are the shoes! Everything doesn't matter coz...well unless you're a lady then the sports inner wear is important :)

I made sure I had good shoes else, it'll be all blisters and painful knee joints >.<

Thanks Zoe!

For first-time runners, make sure you have what you need for a great run.

So you have made the decision to start running! It may seem really easy in terms of what you will need in order to get training, but wearing the wrong running clothes to train in could actually lead to all sorts of issues such as blisters, chafing, and even injuries.

Running, as with any other sport can be expensive if you go all out for buying the latest gadgets and brands. You don’t necessarily need lots of gadgets, but here is a list of the bare essentials to consider.

Running Shoes

Your running shoes are the most essential item of your kit. They are ultimately what will help you to actually run, and buying a pair of cheap shoes might result in the following:

• Your running technique is affected;
• You suffer from blisters;
• Or you end up with a long-term injury.

It’s really important to get the right shoes that are comfortable, durable and suited to what you need. For example if you plan to have a go at trail running, then the shoe needed would be very different to the shoe that you might run in on a treadmill. If you have issues with your feet i.e your foot rolls in slightly (pronates) then you might need a specific type of shoe that offers more support.

Pop along to your local athletics shop and get them to help you work out what shoe would be best for your requirements. Down the line, once you know what shoe works and what you are comfortable with, you could always source them cheaper online.

Running Shorts/Tights

Men and women alike are completely different shapes and sizes, so one type of running short/tight works for one, but not for another. If you have generous thighs that touch together then classic running shorts might not work for you unless you wear some tight cycling shorts/tights underneath - otherwise you may be prone to chafing, which can be very sore.

There are a great range of running shorts/tights on the market. Running tights are very popular and comfortable, but some people don’t want to wear something so tight.

For ladies that want something a bit less tight there are options such as wearing a Skort (skirt with shorts underneath) or even a dress designed to run in, and for men looser fitting shorts may be an option.

Try out a few pairs and see what feels the most comfortable.

Socks

Socks and their quality are often considered a low priority, but they are as important as any other item of clothing when running. Running with a cheap sock that is 100% cotton can potentially cause all sorts of issues over a longer run such as blisters and calluses.

If you are planning to do shorter runs to begin with, you might be able to get away with a cheap sock but down the line definitely consider upgrading to a more technical socks that are made from synthetic material such as polyester, acrylic and COOLMAX.

Running Top/Vest

There are lots of options for running tops, and T-shirts are often the most popular choice to begin with. If you are running short distances then a T-shirt may be fine, but if you start to run races and up your distance, you may find you need something more.

There are a great range of technical running tops in the market that have features such as lower arm pit designs to avoid chafing and tops that you can fit a key in if you are running outside as well as the all important moisture wicking fabric. Also, if you are running outside you may find in the colder months you need long sleeved and even a lightweight jacket.

Sports Bra

For the ladies out there, a sports bra is an absolute must when running, otherwise it can cause major problems. There are all sorts of varieties available for every shape and size to ensure you stay comfortable. The best thing to do is to pop along to your local athletics store and try some on and get someone to help you find something that works for you.

Running Belt

If you are planning on running outside and working up the distance, then you might want to consider a running belt which you can potentially carry keys and water. Some people find it hard to run with something around their waist, so there are other options such as bands that go around the wrist or rucksacks.

It does come down to comfort and what you realistically need, so if you only plan on running a few miles/km then you probably wouldn’t need anything - and if you know of water stops on the way, then you should be ok water wise - but a belt is always something to consider.

Sunglasses/Hat

If you plan to run outside and you are running in when the sun is out then sunglasses and a running cap are crucial to your running attire as well as sunscreen. You can buy running caps from any sports shop - get a nice light one that is not too thick.

With sunglasses you can spend $25 right up to $500! As long as they have the appropriate protection i.e. UVA and UVB protection you don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars (unless you want to) but do make sure they are comfortable and don’t fall off.

In Summary

Starting to run doesn’t have to be expensive but it is important to get the essentials to ensure you minimize injuries and maximize comfort. There are many stores that sell running clothes, so do shop around and check out reviews. You can always upgrade your kit as you go.

The main thing is to get started, find what works for you and enjoy your time running!

Happy Running!

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15 hilarious parenting comics that are almost too real

For the parents out there just coz....we belong to this tribe haha. It's our choice to make and somehow more related to the facts of life so enjoy the privilages =)

Love the author as he is of course a father. You should check out his webpage too called Fowl Language which is just as witty. Do support him if you like his comic strips!

Thanks upworthy


Brian Gordon is a cartoonist. He's also a dad, which means he's got plenty of inspiration for the parenting comics he creates for his website, Fowl Language (only a few of which actually feature any profanity).

He covers many topics, but it's his hilarious parenting comics that are resonating with moms and dads everywhere.

"My comics are largely autobiographical," Gordon told me. "I've got two kids who are four and seven, and often, what I'm writing happened as recently as that very same day."

Gordon shared 15 of his oh-so-real comics with us. They're all funny 'cause they're true.

Let's get started with his favorite, called " Welcome to Parenting," which Gordon says sums up his comics pretty well. "Parenting can be such tedious drudgery," he told me, "but if it wasn't also so incredibly rewarding there wouldn't be nearly so many people on the planet."
Truth.
I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.

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All comics are shared here with Gordon's express permission. These comics are all posted on his website in addition to his Facebook page. You can also find a "bonus" comic that goes with each one by clicking the "bonus" link. Original. Bonus.

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I love Gordon's comics so much because they're just about the reality of parenting — and they capture it perfectly.

There's no parenting advice, no judgment — just some humor about the common day-to-day realities that we all share.
I asked Gordon about the worst parenting advice he ever received, and he shared this anecdote:

"I remember being an absolute sleep-deprived wreck, sitting outside a sandwich shop, wolfing down my lunch quickly beside my one-month-old son, who was briefly resting his lungs between screaming fits.

A rather nosy woman walked up to me and said, all smugly, 'You should enjoy this time while they're easy.' It was the exact worst thing anyone could have said to me in that moment and I just wanted to curl up on the sidewalk and cry."

Who hasn't been on the receiving end of totally unneeded and unwanted advice? That's why Gordon's comics are so welcome: They offer up a space for us to all laugh about the common experiences we parents share.
Here's to Gordon for helping us chuckle (through the tears).

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5 Must-Try Green Smoothie Recipes

They may look green and ugly but they sound delish when I looked at the ingredients...I'm gona try them one day!


“What’s the one thing I should be eating to improve my health?” As registered dietitians, this is one of the most common questions we hear. Our answer? The title of our most recent book, The Nutrition Twins Veggie Cure, says it all. Yes, veggies! Greens, specifically, are the number one food you can eat regularly to improve your health.

From arugula and Swiss chard to romaine and spinach, leafy vegetables are a great source of fiber, vitamins, minerals and phytonutrients that protect against heart disease, diabetes and cancer. They prevent damage from free radicals, stopping chronic inflammation and the associated diseases in their tracks, as well as cell deterioration and the age-related decline that comes with it. Plus, they help to keep skin youthful and radiant thanks to their collagen-promoting vitamin C and their vitamin A/beta-carotene content, which also aids in the inflammation battle and calms the redness surrounding a skin flare-up. And greens assist your liver in its detoxification process—so if you’ve had a couple cocktails, a few too many refined foods or been in a smoky room, these are the foods to help “undo” the damage. In fact, greens like kale and bok choy are two of the few foods that actually assist the liver in both phases of its detoxification process, so they’re superstars when it comes to ridding the body of toxins.

If salads are feeling so 2014 for you, there’s a new way to get your greens and reap all these benefits (and it’s a lot more appealing than a mound of steamed greens on the side of your plate). It’s easy, delicious and even breakfast-friendly—it’s a green smoothie. After all, many greens become undetectable when combined in a smoothie and they take just seconds to transform. And what better way to start your day than with a simple, nourishing breakfast that packs in greens? Here are some pointers for making the most of your smoothies and easy, at-home ways to get your nutrients.
Create your own green smoothie by following these green-smoothie basics. (If you simply want to try a green smoothie recipe that’s tried, true and delicious, make one of the recipes below by blending the ingredients together.)

1. Start with your greens: Typically a few large fistfuls (about 2 cups) will do the trick. Spinach is one the mildest greens and is hardly detectable, but all greens, including kale, romaine and even parsley and mint are fantastic additions. Try a variety of greens and see what you like best.
2. Add some fruit: Fruits add natural sweetness, fiber and phytonutrients for even more of a beneficial boost to your morning. We prefer to add frozen fruits because they make the smoothie more refreshing and “dessert-like.” One half of an overripe banana is a great addition and adds sweetness—frozen berries are great, too. Frozen pineapple chunks can add a lot of sweetness with just a few pieces, but most fruits work well. The key is to keep the fruit portions in check (about half the portion or less, compared to the green) to keep the calories from getting too high.
3. Add your protein/“satiety factor”: Think Greek yogurt, nuts or nut butters, hemp seeds or a scoop of protein powder. One to 2 tablespoons of a nut or seed adds nutrients and healthy fat—but stick to just that portion (about six to eight nuts), as the calories from nuts add up quickly and  could cause your smoothie to contain a lot more calories than you bargained for. (Note: If you skip the protein, you’ll need to eat a source of protein with your smoothie to keep you satiated and your energy levels up.)
4. Add liquid: Add anywhere from 1/2 to 1 cup of either water, unsweetened nut milk or coconut water to make your smoothie. Unsweetened vanilla almond milk adds a nice flavor boost.

Green Smoothie Recipes to Get You Started

Kale Recharge and Detox Smoothie

This light and refreshing smoothie packs a nutrient punch with carrots, kale and spinach. Ginger helps to soothe the stomach while also assisting in fighting inflammation, and the lime adds immune-boosting vitamin C.

Skinny Green Smoothie

Cool, sweet and refreshing, this smoothie is potassium-packed and ultra-hydrating thanks to spinach, cucumber, orange juice, lime, pineapple and coconut water. This combination helps to quickly flush bloat by keeping you hydrated.

Healthy Green Smoothie

Sweet and fruity, the peach and apple complement the spinach and vanilla soymilk, making it a great way to squeeze in those greens in the morning (or for a snack)—all for just 73 calories. Again, eat a lean source of protein with it to make it more satisfying and to round out the meal.

Avocado and Apple Green Smoothie

The good-for-you monounsaturated fat in the avocado boosts the absorption of fat-soluble vitamins beta carotene, vitamin E and antioxidants from the green tea and apple, as well as the avocado.

Detoxifying Green Tea Smoothie

Rich in water and potassium, this smoothie helps flush sodium and restore normal fluid balance. The sulforaphane, a phytochemical found in the kale and chard, helps the liver to flush out harmful toxins, while the phytonutrients in the green tea, fruits and vegetables stave off damage from invading particles.

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Helping Your Child Through Disappointment

I was rummaging through my brains the other night, as usual looking far far ahead into the fortune telling globe and pondered this question 'how do I go around helping my kid when he is disappointed / sad / angry'?

In summary: try to be as empthathic as possible and being patient really helps. Easier said than done but maybe a few of the ideas below can help :)

Nice article from positive parenting connection

Disappointment can be like a tidal wave of emotions for your kids. Image this scenario:

The van is packed, and you’re about ready to head out the door. Suddenly, you hear thunder in the distance. No! It can’t be! You checked the weather, and it wasn’t supposed to rain for a few more hours. But minutes later, the rain is pouring down outside.
Three children stare at you. “When are we going to the beach, mom?”
Bracing yourself, you cautiously say, “Well…it’s raining…we can’t go to the beach today.”
In an instant, one child is crying and flopping around on the ground; another child is throwing things, kicking you and yelling; and a third is pouting, staring out the window.
Three disappointed kids.
Now what?

How to Help Your Child When They Are Disappointed

Connect with Empathy & Notice your Message
For children, even something that seems little — like someone else eating the last cookie — can open a floodgate of unexpected feelings. Disappointment!
Suddenly, they are met with the challenge of managing a bunch of feelings at the same time — frustration, anger, confusion, sadness — while making sense of their unmet expectations. This is a lot to expect of a child.

• When we say, “It’s no big deal,” we send the message: “Your feelings don’t matter.”
• When we throw our hands up and give in, we send the message: “Your disappointment is too much for me to handle.”
• When we distract our child from the disappointing event, we send the message: “Disappointment is uncomfortable and should be avoided at all costs.”

Alternatively, when you connect with empathy, you send the message: “It’s hard to feel disappointed. I am here with you as you feel this uncomfortable feeling, and we’ll get through it together.”

Say This, Not That
Instead of forcing your child to stuff their feelings or numb their emotions by giving in, try these alternative phrases:
Instead of: “Get over it.”
Try: “I can tell you’re disappointed. I was hoping to go to the beach today too.”
Instead of: “Fine, if you’re going to throw a fit, you can have the toy.”
Try: “I know you really wanted that toy. It’s so hard when we cannot get what we want.”
Instead of: “Oh, your balloon popped. Here, have an ice cream.”
Try: “How sad! You didn’t get to play with that balloon very long, did you?”
Instead of: “Don’t ask me again!”
Try: “I know you’re disappointed. You really wish I would change my mind.”
Instead of: “If you hit me one more time, you’re going in a time-out!”
Try: “You can be angry about my decision, but I will not let you hurt others.”
Instead of: “It’s time to go. Don’t make me count to three!”
Try: “You wish we could stay here longer. It’s hard to leave fun places.”
Instead of: “You’re ruining the day for our whole family!”
Try: “You still seem really disappointed that the party was canceled. Do you need a hug?”

Check Your Triggers
Responding with empathy may seem like a great idea in theory, but you might find it really difficult to put into practice.
Usually, this means you are being “triggered.” Instead of being able to see your child’s struggle, you respond to something internal — a thought about yourself, your child or the situation.
Take some time to think about why it is hard for you to let your child feel disappointed. Here are some examples:

• I feel like my kids take advantage of me.
• I don’t feel appreciated.
• I feel powerless.
• I don’t know any other way to respond.
• My own parents never let me show disappointment.
• I feel uncomfortable when my kids are upset.
• I don’t know how to comfort my kids.
• My spouse/co-parent gives them everything they want; now they expect it from me.
• I’m frustrated that I let this get so out of control.
• I don’t know how to handle my own disappointment.

Once you’ve identified one or two triggers, you can start to work through them — on your own, with a trusted friend, or a mental health professional. Getting these triggers out of the way will help you respond empathetically to your child when they are feeling disappointed.

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How to Make Pear Puree for Babies

I think this is a good starting point for those of you who are keen to go with the Traditional weaning. Works for other fruits too and I like how it's got pictures!

 Homemade pear puree is sweet, filled with fiber, and rich in vitamin C. Follow our easy step-by-step instructions to make this ideal first food for your baby.

 

By Heather Morgan Shott Photos by Ivee Stephens from Parents Magazine

Step 1: Select & Buy Fresh Pear

Baby Food: Pear & Banana Puree

 

 

Bartlett pears are an ideal first fruit for babies - they're nutritious, soft, mild, and sweet. In late summer, peak season, pears may be so ripe that you don't have to cook them before you puree them. The ripest pear will smell sweet and have a yellow color that may or may not be accented with a rosy blush. Look for fruit that's firm and free of bruises and other blemishes. One medium pear yields about five ounces of puree.

Step 2: Wash & Peel the Pear

 

Wash pears with a mixture of three parts water and one part white vinegar to remove bacteria. Rinse under cool running water, dry, and peel. The easiest way to peel a pear is to use a vegetable peeler and work in a circular motion around the fruit. If you do not have a vegetable peeler, use a sharp paring knife.

 

Step 3: Core & Chop the Pear

 

Set the peeled pear, stem side up, on a clean cutting board. Slice in half, lengthwise. To remove the core, cup each pear half, one at a time, in your palm and cut in a shallow scooping motion with a paring knife or melon baller. Once the core is removed, finish slicing the pear into equal-sized slices and then quarter each slice.

 

Step 4: Steam Underripe Pear

 

If your pear is ripe, skip this step and move on to step 5. If you?re working with pears that aren't fully ripe, place the fruit in a steamer and cook for 3 to 5 minutes or until tender.

Step 5: Puree or Mash the Pear

 

Puree chunks of pear in a food processor or blender until smooth. Add water as needed to reach desired consistency.
For chunkier pear puree, which is ideal for babies 10 months or older, mash the pear with a potato masher instead of pureeing it.

Step 6: Serve Pear Puree

Pear puree is sweet and mild. Serve it plain or mix it with another puree or two to introduce your baby to new flavors and textures.
Try mixing pear puree with:

 

• Sweet potato
• Butternut squash
• Pumpkin
• Green Beans
• Peach
• Plum
• Cherries
• Strawberries
• Blueberries
• Banana
• Yogurt
• Beef
• Chicken
• Turkey

Step 7: Freeze Leftover Pear Puree

 

Cool pear puree and refrigerate leftovers in BPA-free containers for up to 3 days. Freeze leftovers for up to 3 months. Thaw overnight in your refrigerator.

Note: Always check with your pediatrician before introducing your baby to a new food, particularly if your baby has food allergies. Additionally, some pediatricians do not recommend making your own carrot, beet, or spinach puree because these fresh veggies can be higher in nitrates.
Copyright & copy 2011 Meredith Corporation.

 

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